I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's shark week go big or go home
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.