Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.