I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So how was he last night?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
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He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
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We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?