it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid