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I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Randomize
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