I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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