His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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