i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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