peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
