I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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