ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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