What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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