At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He has the fingertips of a God
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