You're so nebulous sometimes
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
