I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.