Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
Did I show you my penis last night?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao