therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
