and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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