I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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