If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize