I need help removing her.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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