Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
