Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
