just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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