I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
