I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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