he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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