I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
