It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.