Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!