We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
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Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"