You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..