....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?