You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.