My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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