Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
