onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
