She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
