my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
