My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
