Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
