hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
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I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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