So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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