How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
