found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
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I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.