I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!