I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
did you just send me my own nude