Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.