i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay