I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
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aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
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In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.