then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me