Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.