If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
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The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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