dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize