Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You smell like stripper and shame
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
