I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize