My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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