I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am one with the molecules
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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