drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
