is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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