i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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