You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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