my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
well, you know. whores of a feather.