We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
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He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.