I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.