it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10