There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I am available for nakedness
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
