I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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