Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
i need to put some appletini on your dick
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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